Reflections - June 12, 2018

Here’s What’s Really Going On (June 2018)

I’m starting a new category on BTD today called #brightonBrain. This is a category where I can be free to just…talk to y’all. It’s the place I’ll tell you what I’m thinking, how I’m feeling, and how I’m processing life and business and such. I try to create value here on the blog with my content, but sometimes I want a place that’s a little more relaxed and feels more like conversation (like on IG stories). Hope y’all will enjoy reading my rambling thoughts….regardless, hit me up with a comment to say hi!

I’m not gonna lie, I’ve been feeling a bit aimless lately. Y’all know I go through ups and downs with this whole blogging thing – where sometimes I’m super into it and inspired, and then other times not so much. But that’s not really how I’m feeling now. This is different. I’m going to try my best to explain it to you – mostly because I need to get it out of my brain and into writing. Also, I want to be honest with y’all.

Feeling Stuck On What’s Best Next

Instead of feeling unmotivated and “over it”, I feel inspired by too many things – so much so that I feel utterly stuck and helpless. I’m motivated and excited about like 74 things, but I can’t quite figure out what to do. I literally can’t discern the next step for me, my brand or my business.

I think that’s sort of the tricky thing about blogging – or even just working for yourself really: the freedom. Don’t get me wrong, I am incredibly thankful for the freedom I have in blogging. BUT with that freedom also comes endless options. And when we have lots of options, we can easily get stuck. You know? It’s like when you’re at a restaurant and want 9 things on the menu but can only choose one, and so you force the waitress to choose for you, lol. Or something like that – hopefully, you get my drift.

I have so many (some of then even stupidly big) ideas that seem worthy of pursuit, but then it’s like….okay, well which one excites me the most? Why can’t I just pick a direction and go? It sounds simple enough, doesn’t it?

Easier said than done, friends.

Too Much Inspiration, Not Enough Direction

So here we have it. The reason why I’ve been feeling pretty aimless is simple; it’s because I don’t have a target or a direction I’m running toward. I don’t have an aim. So instead, I’m running around aimlessly in a hundred directions, making little progress in any one endeavor.

Ugh! I hate admitting this to you – or to myself or anyone really. But let me just get it out there on the table. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I’M DOING WITH THIS FREAKING BLOG AND BRAND. And I’m telling myself that it’s totally okay!

All that to say, it’s only natural that I would feel a bit dizzy, pointless, and aimless.

So over the past few months, I’ve been determined to figure it out. I’ve sat down several times, dead-set on picking a direction, an end goal, or at least some tangible objectives. I’ve read countless business books, talked to friends, brainstormed my afternoons away.

No luck. I just can’t seem to come up with a good answer. Or rather, I’ll write something down and then change my mind the next day or the next week.

Is any of this resonating with you?

Okay but, wait. Let me take some of that back. I do have some sort of idea, but it seems impossible.

Even still, I’ll share. Because this whole post is actually very cathartic to me.

If I Had No Limitations, Here’s A Glimpse

Basically, I wish I could clone myself and that there were more hours in the day. And I’d like to make sure I was in peak performance mode as often as possible, feeling inspired and motivated to do #AllTheThings at all times. I’d publish 3-4 high-value blog posts a week and post very intentional instagram posts that promoted those messages and drove traffic back to the bog. I’d produce videos for those of you who prefer that medium – on a weekly basis. Oh, and I’d have a podcast! I’d write a book on how to live your best life, giving all my tips for conquering #adulting, singleness and navigating this world when you have no idea what the hell is going on. I’d write bible studies and devotionals to guide your daily meditations. Oh, and I’d create some scripture cards that you could purchase on my website to keep in your purse. I’d have an annual conference where all BTD ladies could get together to learn, be inspired, and build each other up in community. I’d produce a clothing line, a round brush, and a custom blowdryer with Dyson (but at a more affordable price). I’d have a series on budgeting and managing your home as a single woman with easy-to-use tools to guide your journey. Oh, and I’d confidently spend $50k on developing an app that would help you do all these things too. #NOBIGDEAL. Welcome to my brain. And I could keep going….

But wait. These ideas are a lot bigger than me! Doing more, faster is not the answer. In order to grow and reach more people in a meaningful way, I’ve got to begin dreaming bigger and thinking beyond what I alone can do. And that’s really hard and really freaking scary. Not to mention I am abso-freaking-lootly clueless on how to do any of this.

Okay so instead of cramming my schedule with more things, I’ve realized I need to think bigger. And differently. I’m not quite sure what this looks like, or even how to monetize such a situation. But maybe I need to figure out how to grow my team – even more than I already have. Maybe I need to take a risk and hire talent that might seem out-of-reach, but then ends up being the best decision ever? Who knows. All I know is that I’m someone who wakes up just about every day with a NEW idea I’m excited about.

But here’s the problem. If I’m engulfed in the details of executing each and every one of those ideas, then nothing will ever happen. You know? Like I’ve GOT to stay at the 30k feet level or else I’m going to drown and totally lose my vigor, inspiration, and motivation.

I know this because this is what keeps happening.

What I’ve Realized and What That means

I went to lunch with Jenni Allen (#obsessedwithher) a few months ago. And she was telling me about how she’d experienced a similar feeling before – the feeling of having so many ideas and dreams but not enough capacity to carry them out. And she said to me, “Brighton, you’re just like me: you’re a visionary. You have to BE the vision and LET others help you. You HAVE to keep being the dreamer!” And you know what? She’s SO RIGHT. I just keep coming back to this conversation and trying to wrap my mind around how the heck I’ll be able to do this.

I don’t have to have the answers. I don’t even really know what’s next for BTD or what it looks like. Gosh, thinking about it sort of makes my heart race a bit and my armpits sweat lol.

But here’s what I do know.

I know that this feeling has been haunting me for over 7 months. I know that the ONLY reason my brand has gotten to be what it is today is because of God’s provision, blessing, and hand in my life. This is undeniable. I know that my story is different than any other blogger’s because I know that I’m uniquely and wonderfully made by a loving Father who has a purpose for my little life here on Earth. I know that I don’t have to have all the answers, and that gives me so much peace. I know that just as God has been with me every step of the way thus far, He’ll continue to guide me on this journey, opening doors and planting desires in my heart for what the BTD brand and community should become.

All I have to do is relinquish control and trust that He’ll step in and help me put together the pieces.

Easy enough, right? HA. AS IF. But hey, I’m taking the first step, which is admitting all these things to you. In my book, that’s a BIG step.