I’m experiencing one my little “what is my purpose and what am I doing and why am I here” moments this week. I don’t think this is something that I’m alone in experiencing. This is something we probably all deal with from time to time and in different ways.
Right now, I’m feeling some discomfort. I don’t think it’s new, but sometimes it just feels more real and present. I’m questioning if what I’m doing is what I should be doing. Maybe you know the feeling? It’s super uncomfortable and I feel a bit restless because I can’t see clearly. It’s the kind of thing that makes me feel like there’s something more I should be pursuing, but I don’t know what that something is. I know I’ve shared this feeling with you all before. Well, it’s back.
During times like this, my first inclination is to really dig my heels in. Roll my sleeves up. Plan. Work. But this time, I feel like I’m being called to do something a little different. I think I’m supposed to just lean into the discomfort. Wait. Listen. Stop running around in circles and sit still for a minute so that I can maybe actually hear what God wants to tell me.
I guess what I’m trying to say is, instead of jumping to fixing this feeling I have or do more stuff to make it go away (this would be easy), I’m going to take the opposite approach.
And I want to encourage those of you are having little crisis moments of your own to do the same. Our culture tells us that if read a few self-help books, exercise more, talk it out more, work harder, and take more “me time”, we can fix things on our own. Don’t get me wrong, yall know I like a little bit of all of those things. But these things they aren’t going to point you to your purpose. They aren’t going to fulfill you. It’s like alleviating symptoms without investigating the true issue.
And I always hesitate on whether or not it’s appropriate to share these feelings of uncertainty with y’all because I feel like it’s unprofessional. Further, I imagine it’s frustrating to keep hearing me say the same things over and over again: I’m lost, I don’t know what to do. But at the same time, that’s just my story right now. I hope to one day look back and be like, oh yeah, I remember that lost feeling and here’s how I overcame it. But for now, I’m thankful to those of you who are sticking around with me in the trenches of figuring it out.
I talked about this a little on stories earlier this week, but I find a lot of refuge in peace in knowing that I don’t need to have the answers. And when I feel unsettled about “what my purpose is,” I remind myself that all I’m truly called to do on this earth is simple: (1) Love God and (2) Love people. That’s it. The rest will work itself out, but if I’m doing those two things, then I can show up every day uncertain but also have peace.
In the meantime, I’m taking more time in prayer in stillness. For the first time in 6 years, I’m not working on weekends (well, at least not as much). I’ve actually been taking Sundays off, which is INSANE (for me) and even difficult for me to believe. But I know it’s what I need right now.
I’m doing my best to give some of the control I love so much to God, because I trust He has the answers. And I trust that things will work out in His timing. But I think the discomfort is just part of the process and I’m leaning into it.
“The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.”
Proverbs 16: 9
This verse rings especially true to me in light of the little crisis I’m currently experiencing. He’s got me. My plans are no match for His plans. It’s time for me to let His promises be enough.
Shop The Look:
I’ve been wearing bandanas in any and every way possible these days if you haven’t noticed. I love this one I recently picked up and have been wearing it on repeat. Speaking of ways to wear bandanas though, did you catch my blog post on all the ways you could sport one this summer?! I’m telling you, they’re a must-have accessory for Summer!
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