Self - October 13, 2020

How to Deal with Negative Self-Talk

brighton keller at coffee shop wearing leopard bomber

Negative self-talk is an issue I deal with frequently and I want to put it out there because I think we all can be unnecessarily hard on ourselves every once in a while. I know I write a lot about positivity and self-care, etc. but the truth is, I have some down moments of my own and can find myself in a really negative headspace sometimes. I try really hard to be self-aware enough to know when I’m in this space, which is what I want to touch on in this post.

I sat down and put some thought (basically did a brain dump and pulled out what made sense) into it and the following is what I came up with for how to deal with negative self-talk.

Be aware enough to know when you’re doing it

I mentioned this above and I think it’s the most important thing to take away from this post. Knowing when you’re in a tough spot mentally and taking it all out on yourself is key. Because no matter what your situation is, being mean to yourself isn’t going to help solve anything. Honestly, I think self-awareness is one of the best characteristics a person can have. I did a deep dive on it a few years and wrote about it on BTD here. Definitely go read it, k?

Ask yourself why

If you find yourself talking/thinking negatively about yourself, stop for a second and ask yourself why? Did you miss a deadline? Forget an appointment? Drop the ball in some way at work? Doing any of those things can make you feel like a failure quick. I GET IT. But how does beating yourself for it help? Instead, ask yourself why you’re being hard on yourself and then write a quick list of two or three things that you can do to change the circumstance for next time. Take action! Rethink your priorities, evaluate your goals. etc. There are just a lot more productive things you can do to help yourself than sitting around making yourself feel like crap, know what I mean?

Do something you enjoy

This kinda goes back to the self-awareness thing, but you need to know how to get yourself happy. KNOW what gives you joy! That way when you need to bring yourself back up you know exactly what to do. For me, it’s going on a walk or having quiet time and journaling or praying, or even a call to my mom always seems to go a long way. Whatever it is for you, just do it and get yourself smiling again.

List out 10 amazing qualities about yourself!

I know this can feel funky to do but we all need this reminder, especially when we’re down on ourselves! When writing these out, remember that NO ONE has to see this. You can literally rip it up after or put it in your phone as a note and then delete. So be honest with yourself! Feel free to write down more than 10 – I know they’re in there somewhere! Even small things like, “I remembered a friend’s birthday” or “I have a good smile!” should be jotted down. Think of this as a pep talk for yourself.

Give yourself grace

This is another very important lesson I’ve learned in the last year or so. Giving yourself grace means you’re not being so critical of yourself and making room for those “mess-ups” or “drop the ball” moments. The more I learn to extend myself some grace, the less I find myself in a bad spot mentally. It makes a huge difference, trust me!

I truly, truly hope y’all find this helpful. This is definitely an issue I’m still working on myself, but if putting it out there helps any of you then it’s worth it!

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