Self-Care - March 20, 2017

How To Deal With Jealousy And Not Feeling Good Enough

dark denim, dark jeans rolled up outfit, white oversized cardigan layered over knotted tee, spring casual outfit idea

I don’t care how cliche this question is. I’m asking it.

Do you ever feel like you’re not good enough?

Maybe that’s too vague of a question.

Do you ever feel like you’re not interesting enough? Funny enough? Pretty enough? Organized enough? Like you have nothing to say?

Or how about this: Do you ever feel like you have to try 10x harder than “her” to have your life half as much together?

Because I do. All the time.

And I’m here to tell you that you are not alone.

I feel these things – in big ways and small. I feel and think them all the time – definitely more often than you might imagine. I think it’s safe to say that we all do – whether we believe it or not.

We all feel inadequate at some point. Or we can at least relate to this feeling, right?

The hard part is being self-aware enough to not only admit it, but to do something about it. 

It’s easy to get carried away in the negative thought cycle of comparison or not feeling good enough. So much so that we totally warp reality.

We forget that we are not alone in our comparison struggle and often feel ridiculous and alone it.

I know that for me, I would even go so far as to say that having these feelings (or thoughts) not only makes me feel ashamed but also guilty. Further, I sometimes feel like I’m not allowed to feel (or admit to feeling) not good enough because it’s selfish or means I’m ungrateful. And so I try to stomp those feelings out or stifle them any time they come creeping in.

But honestly, sometimes I just need to get it out. Confess it. Share it. Just say it out loud or rather, type it into a blog post. So here goes it.

I don’t feel good enough. I get nervous, uncomfortably self-conscious and plagued with doubts all the time. I think we all do. And you know what? That’s okay. Regardless of what happens after putting this out into the world, I must admit that it’s actually quite freeing to admit – to myself and to you.

Let’s dive into these feelings a bit though.

What does it mean to not feel good enough?

Where do these feelings come from? And how do we let the originating thoughts settle into our minds and perception of ourselves and the world around us? I think our thoughts and “digestion process” (so to say) immediately following our initial thought is what’s most important here.

When confronted with self-doubting thoughts or notions, what do you do with them?

Do you hold them up to truth? Because a lot of the things we tell ourselves – when evaluated for validity – fall short. In other words, we are sometimes believing things that aren’t true – or telling ourselves lies to put it bluntly.

You need to ask yourself first, is it true?

And if it’s true (that you don’t have what it takes in a particular scenario or whatever your “self-doubt” is), then OKAY.

Fine. Let’s admit that. Even if it’s something hard to swallow, it’s just important to make sure that whatever it is – it’s first and foremost actually the TRUTH.

I’ll get a little personal here and tell you that one of the lies I often tell myself is that I’m not smart. This “self belief” (or rather “self talk”) is often manifested in a few different ways (or phrased differently etc.) depending on the scenario, but the gist of the feeling can be summarized in not feeling competent or smart enough. It’s something I’ve struggled with for as long as I can remember. And there’s an entire backstory to this – that I’m still figuring out and maybe one day I’ll share more – but I just wanted to share an example of one of the many self-doubting-beliefs I face all the time. It’s a “self-belief” that I have to continually dispel and challenge myself on because if not, it’ll hold me back.

Getting back to the point at hand, when I find myself having these sorts of thoughts or getting down, I have to inject some truth or at the very least, I have to reword the way I’m talking to myself. Because if we don’t keep our “self talk” in check, our brain/mind will have us believing all sorts of lies that will hinder our progress, productivity, and confidence. More on this at a later time (I hope – if y’all show interest via comments!)

But the next step is crucial.

You’ve got to ask yourself, is it helpful? 

This is where the magic happens.

Maybe you aren’t as good as you hope to be. Okay, that’s fine. But that doesn’t mean you should shame yourself here. Remember you’ve got to be nice to yourself. Extend your hard-working self some grace. Make sure the thought is both true AND also helpful.

Another thing to consider is your measuring stick.

WHY do you feel like you’re not good enough?

Where does your definition of “good” come from? And is that a fair standard with which to compare? And better yet, does it even make sense to compare yourself to her (or that, etc.)? Maybe you’re being totally unfair and making completely ridiculous, off base comparisons. Shed some light onto the comparison and make sure you’re comparing apples to apples or that it’s even a fair comparison.

…That’s all I’ve got for today, but I’m hoping to share more. Because I feel like I’ve really got a lot to say on this subject – it just might take some time (and confidence slash encouragement) getting it all out.

I just wanted to start the conversation, ask some questions and see what kind of response I got (i.e., comments!) from you guys. Remember, comments are really the only way I know if you guys like what I’m talking about and I take each and every one to heart in putting together my future content! That being said, I’m looking forward to hearing from y’all!

Outfit Details: BP. Twist Front T-shirt // Free People Cardigan // Articles of Society Skinny Jeans // Ray-Ban Original Aviators // Baublebar Hooping Drops // Vince Camuto Peep Toe Booties 

PS: I know this photo doesn’t really go with the message, but after 2 hours (I’m serious – I was up until 2 am) searching relentlessly for an image that captured what I was looking for, I totally gave up. So just go with it.