Lifestyle OUTFITS Spring

Do you ever feel like you’re not good enough?

dark denim, dark jeans rolled up outfit, white oversized cardigan layered over knotted tee, spring casual outfit idea
spring outfit ideas, what to wear on a casual day, casual outfit, cardigan outfit
free people cardigan, grey tee, and dark wash skinny jeans

I don’t care how cliche this question is. I’m asking it.

Do you ever feel like you’re not good enough?

Maybe that’s too vague of a question.

Do you ever feel like you’re not interesting enough? Funny enough? Pretty enough? Organized enough? Like you have nothing to say?

Or how about this: Do you ever feel like you have to try 10x harder than “her” to have your life half as much together?

Because I do. All the time.

And I’m here to tell you that you are not alone.

I feel these things – in big ways and small. I feel and think them all the time – definitely more often than you might imagine. I think it’s safe to say that we all do – whether we believe it or not.

We all feel inadequate at some point. Or we can at least relate to this feeling, right?

The hard part is being self-aware enough to not only admit it, but to do something about it. 

It’s easy to get carried away in the negative thought cycle of comparison or not feeling good enough. So much so that we totally warp reality.

We forget that we are not alone in our comparison struggle and often feel ridiculous and alone it.

I know that for me, I would even go so far as to say that having these feelings (or thoughts) not only makes me feel ashamed but also guilty. Further, I sometimes feel like I’m not allowed to feel (or admit to feeling) not good enough because it’s selfish or means I’m ungrateful. And so I try to stomp those feelings out or stifle them any time they come creeping in.

But honestly, sometimes I just need to get it out. Confess it. Share it. Just say it out loud or rather, type it into a blog post. So here goes it.

I don’t feel good enough. I get nervous, uncomfortably self-conscious and plagued with doubts all the time. I think we all do. And you know what? That’s okay. Regardless of what happens after putting this out into the world, I must admit that it’s actually quite freeing to admit – to myself and to you.

Let’s dive into these feelings a bit though.

What does it mean to not feel good enough?

Where do these feelings come from? And how do we let the originating thoughts settle into our minds and perception of ourselves and the world around us? I think our thoughts and “digestion process” (so to say) immediately following our initial thought is what’s most important here.

When confronted with self-doubting thoughts or notions, what do you do with them?

Do you hold them up to truth? Because a lot of the things we tell ourselves – when evaluated for validity – fall short. In other words, we are sometimes believing things that aren’t true – or telling ourselves lies to put it bluntly.

You need to ask yourself first, is it true?

And if it’s true (that you don’t have what it takes in a particular scenario or whatever your “self-doubt” is), then OKAY.

Fine. Let’s admit that. Even if it’s something hard to swallow, it’s just important to make sure that whatever it is – it’s first and foremost actually the TRUTH.

I’ll get a little personal here and tell you that one of the lies I often tell myself is that I’m not smart. This “self belief” (or rather “self talk”) is often manifested in a few different ways (or phrased differently etc.) depending on the scenario, but the gist of the feeling can be summarized in not feeling competent or smart enough. It’s something I’ve struggled with for as long as I can remember. And there’s an entire backstory to this – that I’m still figuring out and maybe one day I’ll share more – but I just wanted to share an example of one of the many self-doubting-beliefs I face all the time. It’s a “self-belief” that I have to continually dispel and challenge myself on because if not, it’ll hold me back.

Getting back to the point at hand, when I find myself having these sorts of thoughts or getting down, I have to inject some truth or at the very least, I have to reword the way I’m talking to myself. Because if we don’t keep our “self talk” in check, our brain/mind will have us believing all sorts of lies that will hinder our progress, productivity, and confidence. More on this at a later time (I hope – if y’all show interest via comments!)

But the next step is crucial.

You’ve got to ask yourself, is it helpful? 

This is where the magic happens.

Maybe you aren’t as good as you hope to be. Okay, that’s fine. But that doesn’t mean you should shame yourself here. Remember you’ve got to be nice to yourself. Extend your hard-working self some grace. Make sure the thought is both true AND also helpful.

Another thing to consider is your measuring stick.

WHY do you feel like you’re not good enough?

Where does your definition of “good” come from? And is that a fair standard with which to compare? And better yet, does it even make sense to compare yourself to her (or that, etc.)? Maybe you’re being totally unfair and making completely ridiculous, off base comparisons. Shed some light onto the comparison and make sure you’re comparing apples to apples or that it’s even a fair comparison.

…That’s all I’ve got for today, but I’m hoping to share more. Because I feel like I’ve really got a lot to say on this subject – it just might take some time (and confidence slash encouragement) getting it all out.

I just wanted to start the conversation, ask some questions and see what kind of response I got (i.e., comments!) from you guys. Remember, comments are really the only way I know if you guys like what I’m talking about and I take each and every one to heart in putting together my future content! That being said, I’m looking forward to hearing from y’all!

BP. Twist Front T-shirt // Free People Cardigan // Articles of Society Skinny Jeans // Ray-Ban Original Aviators // Baublebar Hooping Drops // Vince Camuto Peep Toe Booties 

PS: I know this photo doesn’t really go with the message, but after 2 hours (I’m serious – I was up until 2 am) searching relentlessly for an image that captured what I was looking for, I totally gave up. So just go with it.

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  • Emily Reyna

    Hey Brighton!

    I always love reading these kinds of posts you put out there. I’m thankful you’re willing to share a bit on what you actually think/feel. I definitely experience this a lot too- especially when in my job I feel like all I do sometimes is look and compare when I work in digital media and editorial writing. I think for me this has been effecting me much more than I give it credit for lately. The idea of comparison how we long for people’s approval can be so deadly to how I view my standing and identity. I’ve been thinking a lot on this, especially with the idea of personal fashion and the fight to keep up. I would rather just be comfortable in my own skin, doing my job because it brings me joy. But that’s a lot easier said than done.

    Anyway, sorry to ramble! But I would love to hear more.

    Emily

    • oh yeah girl – so much easier said than done. I totally hear you on that. Thanks so much for weighing in and commenting! I think that even those of who don’t work in social myself (myself excluded obviously), it’s a major struggle. ANd you’re right, it can often affect us more than we give it credit for doing so – good point! It can sometimes come creeping in and be so sneaky.

  • I enjoyed your post, very insightful! It’s good to know that other women are going through the same things, even successful women like yourself -The Stuggle is REAL! I struggle with the same stuff, “not feeling smart enough” all the time and I also feel as if people have it easier than I have it easy. 🙄 I have to work ten times harder than they do to be at the same level. Fortunately, I get past all of that with determination and I try to focus on the fact that I am doing it! I find ways to succeed ❤️ and I won’t allow myself to stay down because I want more for myself. I guess working harder gives you the best experience 👌🏼 It’s harder to obtain but it’s satisfying at the end 💕 . I am sure this is what happens to you and determination is what helped bring you success 💕
    I enjoyed the reading this morning, so inspiring!

    -Brandi Kimberly
    http://www.cutebrandik.com

  • Hunter Goldsmith

    I love when you post real life stuff! It makes you so genuine and down to earth and super relatable! I think we all do a lot of comparison as women whether we admit to it or not, and when I start comparing I feel inadequate or not good enough because others seem prettier or smarter or more put together. It’s really hard to get out of that mindset once you’re stuck in it, but I think we also have to remember that our worth isn’t found in such worldly things, it’s found in Jesus! But that’s obviously easier said then done. It’s a daily struggle of mine and it’s comforting to know I’m not the only one who struggles with these things. Thanks for sharing!

  • Whitney West

    Good morning! Thank you for sharing this today. It was a great read and also a nice reminder that no matter who you are, we all have these doubts and internal struggles as women. I appreciate you getting real and putting yourself out there because I can’t imagine that it’s easy!

    • Right? We ALL DO. I think it’s so easy to forget sometimes! But I’m definitely on team LET’S ADMIT IT over and over again. because there’s actually something so cathartic to being honest and admitting it!

  • megvmo511

    Hey Brighton,

    First off, I want to commend you on being brave enough to post something like this. It’s not easy for anyone to admit their “faults”, and you are doing it on such a visible and public platform.

    Second, thank you for being an advocate to young women on “real life stuff”. Granted I love your fashion choices and watching you travel around, but the fact that you post real life situations and feelings just shows that you are a genuine person. It’s definitely easy to get wrapped up in what she has, what she looks like, and everything that I am not. So thank you for the reminder that we all have struggles.

    Third, keep being you! You have such a good following because women can relate to you. I like that you aren’t perfect. Perfect is boring. Perfect isn’t real.

    Looking forward to more!

    Megan

  • Madison Kinney

    Brighton I love this post! Thank you for sharing posts that are real and being honest. I really liked the part of this post talking about your “measuring stick”. After reading that I noticed that I definitely don’t compare “apples to apples” I try to compare things that are completely different from one another which isn’t fair. Please do more of these posts!!

    • oh my gosh – I hear you on the not comparing apples to apples. But I think sometimes we litterally have to slap our thoughts in the face and be like – YOOOOOO that’s not a fair comparison. Shine some light on the truth and be realistic and honest. It’s okay to be “less” than or genuinely think we aren’t as pretty or successful as someone (etc.) but a lot of the time we aren’t dealing with “honest and true” situations. idk if that makes sense but basically, AMEN to your comment lol

  • I feel like I’m not good enough all the time and I’m happy to see someone talk about it so openly. I feel like everyone feels this way sometimes, even the people who seem like they’re super confident and that seem to have it all together. Everybody is allowed to feel this way and life is made of ups and downs and we need these down moments so that we can enjoy the good moments.

    Marta – http://www.aroundcolours.blogspot.com

  • I feel that I’m not relaxed enough. I create these thoughts that what if I blushed now in front of my clients. I hate when I do that. Then sometimes I’m able to stay relaxed and myself. I read your post with interest. First time commenting though.

  • Elizabeth Oliveto

    So happy to be reading this! I think everyone suffers from this way at some point. For me personally, that time is RIGHT NOW! It’s time to enjoy the good moments!
    Xo, Elizabeth
    http://stripesandsolitaires.com/

  • I’m so glad you wrote about this because it’s something that a lot of people, including myself, can relate to. Even though we all have our good days, there are times when I feel like I’m constantly comparing myself to other people’s accomplishments or setting the bar so high that I worry I won’t be able to meet my own expectations.

    For me it helps to step back and remember that I’m not perfect and that I don’t have to put myself down just because I can’t do everything that everyone else can do. I’m my own person and I should be happy about that!

    insta | bloglovin’

  • You posted this at just the right time. Insecurities/self-doubts are thoughts that I struggle with much too often. Then when I actually do start to give myself a little grace, I convince myself it’s “too much” grace and giving myself that slack is exactly why I don’t measure up in the first place. It’s such a slippery slope. But I totally think that having a conversation or letting others know how we feel instead of pretending that we have it all together, all the time is a step in the right direction. In the blogging/social media world, it’s way too easy to come across as “perfect” instead of being real. I love how authentic you are!

  • Caleigh Miller Hart

    Thank you for being brave enough to share the things that are on your heart and mind. Don’t get me wrong, I love your fashion/style, travel, recipe, etc. posts too — but the fact that you aren’t scared to be open, honest and real with your followers (instead of only sharing the “picture perfect”) is refreshing. More often than not, these posts hit home with me and your messages come through at times I need to hear them the most (funny how God works like that!)
    Keep it up — I look forward to more!

  • Louise Dreisig

    Okay, so I never ever comment, but I liked this post so much I really had to. I think about these things a lot, and I’m quite conscious of having these thoughts, but it’s not always easy to react the right way… I find that I have moments where I totally get it under control and feel super empowered for doing it, but then also other moments where I let it sweep me along and feel small and stupid for being so insecure. It’s taken me a long time to fully realize and accept that these things are part of life, and it’s not really a matter of fixing them but about making the journey and upward spiral rather than the same circle over and over. Sometimes it helps to think that even in the low point of that cycle I might be going in the right direction overall, and that it’s just human and natural to feel stupid irrational things at times. Not sure if that makes sense! Anyway, please do write more about your thoughts on this… Well done for being so brave and talking openly about something that can almost seem like a taboo in this “strong independent woman” era we live in!

  • Oh my gosh, totally relate to this! It’s so easy to idolize other people’s lives (they’re so skinny, they have perfect clothes, they have it all together, etc.) and forget that life is messy for everyone and it’s supposed to be messy! Totally needed to read this today- thanks Brighton!

    xoxo,
    Katie
    chicincarolina.blogspot.com

  • Alex

    This post was something that I can definitely relate to. I have struggled with feeling like I don’t measure up as far back as I can remember. I have hated that and felt like it was some deep, dark, embarrassing secret. I’m so glad you’ve been open enough to voice your insecurities and others have as well. It makes me feel like a load has literally been lifted off my shoulders and not feel so alone. Thanks again.

  • Kate

    I love and look forward to your posts more than any other blogger. I feel like you are so real (not to say other bloggers are fake, but hopefully you know what I mean). As many of the other commenters agree, I have also always struggled with these thoughts, even when my environment and situation have clearly proven otherwise. For example, I used to think I wasn’t smart enough too, meanwhile I was in one of the best graduate schools for my profession….I would think things like, “I can’t believe I faked my way here…I don’t really belong here like everyone else does…” I finally had to get real with myself and ask the same questions you mention: is it true? is it helpful?

    I think it’s so hard these days with social media as huge as it is to be free of these thoughts…but I think being mindful of it is a really important start.

    Thank you for posting real and thought provoking content!

  • LizzypopA

    I’m with Louise – I’ve actually never in my life commented on a blog. I admire you and admire this post. I can relate in many ways, being someone who has struggled with body image, weight gain and weight loss for many years. I’ll be 30 in three weeks and talk about a sobering thought. All of my “insecurities” have started to melt away as I get older. Sure, I’ll look at social media and everyone’s highlight reel to compare to my own from time to time but knowing that I’m not alone in any of my thoughts or feelings, knowing I’m still kicking after (almost) 30 years and I have excelled in many areas of my life makes me proud – especially of all those insecurities. Embrace them, ladies!

  • Mademoiselle Coconath

    This post is so relatable. I do think everyone has that moment of not feeling good enough.
    xx
    Mademoiselle Coconath
    http://mllecoconath.com

  • Jordan

    I was just talking about this exact subject with my husband last night! I can 200% relate. I’ve had really bad thought habits around this lately so your post is especially encouraging for me. Thanks for being brave and authentic in sharing your struggles and your strategies for working through them. I would definitely love to see more of this!

  • Amber

    I love these kinds of posts, they are so relatable and real! I’ve found myself thinking the exact same thoughts lately and haven’t been able to pin point what’s been causing them. As much as I love social media I think it’s one of the biggest culprits in questioning whether you are good enough or not! I would totally read more posts like this one!!

  • Chandell

    Amazing points. I feel we all suffer from self doubt is some way. I for one bottle up selfdoubt inside. If I don’t think I measure up in some way or have doubts about a certain look I just tell myself on the inside not to even entertain the thought. You are brave (and smart ;)) for bringing a subject like this up on your blog. I’d love to hear more:)

  • Molly

    Love this post!! Thank you for talking about something every single person deals with, but something we rarely talk about. I so admire your boldness and courage, and by covering multiple topics in your blog.

  • Elisabeth

    Thank you so much for sharing this. I was trying to relay these exact thoughts to my husband the other night and I could not find the words to say exactly how I was feeling, but you’ve put everything I feel right out there. Because I share the same thoughts on a regular basis, I know how terrifying it is to put it on paper and see it staring you in the face. I admire you so much for daring to talk about something I am apparently not alone in!

  • Madison Magill

    Hi Brighton!
    It was so refreshing to read something like this. I feel like as a blogger, it is so important to be vulnerable with readers! Sometimes it is also hard not to act like you have your life together, when really you may be falling apart on the inside. I have truly experienced that, and sometimes its just easier to act like you have it all together! I applaud you for sharing this, and even being reminded that we are all still human and we all have the same battles
    Madison Magill
    MadisonMagill.com

  • Melissa Klusek

    Seriously Brighton, AMEN! Literally every. single. day. All the time. I love how refreshingly honest your blog is, and that you share more than just links to your outfits. Even though when you’re feeling those insecure feelings you’re like “I get it, saying I’m the only one feeling this way is dramatic, I know I’m not alone but it sure feels like it,” it’s nice for someone else to put it out there and tell you “no you’re really actually not, I get it.” The struggle has been SO real being unhappy in my career, getting married soon, and feeling like in all the transitions everyone is so far ahead of me. I’m missing something and if I could only figure out what “it” is everything would be okay. Sometimes it’s okay to not be okay, and it takes time to work through all the big feelings. I hope you share more with us someday, and thank you for sharing this post! I look forward to checking your blog everyday!

  • Michelle Johnson

    I feel this way all the time!! I thought I was alone in feeling that way. I get what you say about feeling guilty about feeling not good enough! It’s like I shouldn’t feel that way because other people have less than me but at the same time it’s like why did that girl get that opportunity and I didn’t or why does she get to have that kind of life that I want and I have to struggle, etc. The vicious cycle goes around and around. I think since high school I’ve compared myself to other girls. And now in my 30s I think I do it even more! It’s very tiring! Thank you for sharing this!

    • Right, I’m with you! I think the struggle grows with us and we come to realize as we get older, that we’re really just the same girl on a little older – and we all have the same worries, concerns, and feelings. or at least they’re similar to some degree – whether we’re willing to admit it or not. I know that it’s FREEING when I hear women speak up about their worries and struggles (i.e., comparison) and so I want to continue to do the same – and encourage all of you (And myself) to push through, be honest, and struggle together.

  • Caitlin Hess

    I totally feel the same way. And to hear that someone like you – someone I definitely look up to – feels the same, makes me feel much better! You go girl!

    And I’d definitely love to hear more on the matter.

    • HI Caitlin! Aww, wow. That’s so humbling to hear – that you look up to me. And it’s also very encouraging and motivating to keep going. I appreciate you taking the time to comment – as I know life is crazy. But yes, I feel these things almost every single day. And I feel like each day is a struggle and fight against those thoughts – like, I’m constantly giving myself a pep talk. no joke.

  • I just wrote a post with similar sentiments titled “In a World of Girl Bosses.” I wrote about what its like to compare yourself to the awesome women around you and how that can lead to feeling inadequate or unworthy. It is such a common thing, and can lead you into a bad mental cycle. Thanks for sharing this!

    Alysse
    lysseonlife.wordpress.com

    • I love that Alysse – “in a world of girl bosses.” Gosh, that makes so much sense. Like, I’m all about supporting eachother and helping each other succeed, but then sometimes all the supporting and celebrating others can sometimes even make you feel worse about yourself if you’re not looking at things through the right lens. totally makes sense.

  • Emily Landers

    Dear Brighton,

    Thank you for writing such a personal piece! I know anyone can relate. Myself included. I love your thoughts on figuring out if what you’re saying to yourself is TRUTH or a LIE. As a follower of Jesus (which I know you are too) we have the power to rebuke these lies in Jesus name. (I would go another step and call them spirits-“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” Ephesians 6:12)

    When these kind of spiritual attacks come into my mind I rebuke them in the name of Jesus. I use a prayer tactic called the 4 R’s.

    Repent
    Rebuke
    Replace
    Receive

    This has been transformational in my life and I believe it can be in yours/ and others writing in too. We repent of our sin for believing the lies and listening to them in the first place, we rebuke the spirit of self doubt, not believing we are smart enough or pretty enough and we replace those spirits with TRUTH! The truth is: “Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26
    “For nothing will be impossible with God.” Luke 1:37 and many more!!!!

    We replace the spirit of self doubt with courage, anxiety with bravery, fear with victory! *We replace because scripture is very clear that if a spirit is rebuked and where it came from is not immediately filled up with TRUTH it will come back stronger.

    “When an unclean spirit goes out of a man, he goes through dry places, seeking rest, and finds none. Then he says, ‘I will return to my house from which I came.’ And when he comes, he finds it empty, swept, and put in order.
    Then he goes and takes with him seven other spirits more wicked than himself, and they enter and dwell there; and the last state of that man is worse than the first.” Matthew 12: 43-45

    Once we’ve replaced these lies (or spirits) we receive them in the name of Jesus and the victory is ours! Done. Period. Finished. Not something you’ll deal with again. I believe this! I believe Jesus can remove these fears one by one. I’m not saying new things or struggles won’t come up I’m just saying the battle you’ve been fighting can be over.

    Preaching to the choir here! (Myself)

    So thank you for sharing! Thank you for leading others to a place of loving self analysis so they too can rebuke the spirits that have come up against them.

    God bless you and keep you!

    Love,
    Emily

  • Sarah Morissette

    Forever loving your vulnerability! It takes courage! I saw this quote on insta a while ago (can’t remember the source #oops): “you are are never too much and you are always enough” and it was life changing for me because I somehow feel both not good enough/ too much all at the same time.

    You are not alone in the struggle and as always thanks for sharing :)

  • Haley Mills

    Brighton! I just started following your Instagram and blog a couple months ago and love everything you’re about. This post was especially helpful and insightful. Thank you for posting such meaningful content! Sending you lots of love from Louisville, KY ❤️❤️

  • prettylilandie

    Brighton – This post is yet another example of the reason I admire you and devotedly follow your IG feed! 💙 You offer style guidance, yes and thank you 👍🏼, but you also show followers authenticity in a very tangible way. Keep on being your lovely self and continue encouraging community through real-life situations (like this LEGIT topic on comparison)… May be hard to see from where you are seated, but this very combination paired with killer fashion sense sets you apart for His glory. Best, AND

  • tanbabycakes

    Brighton your posts are so authentic and real, you know how to connect with people especially women. I felt. Every. Word. We can all get wrapped up in our own heads and it’s great to be able to take a step back and understand our true worth. I think you hit it dead on when you say self talk. It’s the one thing we believe in, and if we don’t believe in ourselves we can’t grow (or change) for that matter. Your posts are so inspiring and I absolutely love how silly your IG stories are, because that’s you and there’s no apologies for it. I can’t tell you how much your posts make my day. Can’t wait to hear more about this topic from you!

  • Liz Toigo

    Cheers for this post. Everyone has self-doubt at some point. I agree that it’s healthy to get it out and talk about it, helps us feel less alone.

  • Ronda Moses

    Thanks for your honesty and realness in knowing that we are not alone in this. Your courage should be your encouragement and your confirmation that you are just as intelligent as the next person. Keep it going!!!!

  • Just Cuz Blog

    Thanks for this post I loved reading it! Really helped brighten up my day :)

    xo

    Check out my blog if you get a chance babe!

    http://justcuzblog.com

  • katiejay

    LOVED this post. When I was seriously like 10 years old, I got stomach ulcers because I was SO worried about what others thought of me and because I felt like I could never be as cool/pretty/good as everybody else… and 15 years later, it’s still something I struggle hard with. Listen to You Are Loved by Ellie Holcomb. Lyrics written to my heart.

  • Olivia Glenn

    I loved this post! I travel a lot for work and had also been in a relationship for quite a while. Before that relationship, I was very confident, very adventurous, and very happy. My biggest fear about getting in to a relationship was that I’d lose myself in it. The guy I was dating was really sweet but not quite as adventurous as me. He also wasn’t very outgoing and didn’t complement me in social settings as a partner like I wished he would. (Read that as compL(E)ment as in chemistry wise, not that I needed compL(I)ments LOLz hope that makes sense.) Anyways, by the end of the relationship I do feel like i’ve lost myself a bit and i’ve also struggled with getting anxiety when I travel and want to go adventure alone. I would love more posts like this as well as maybe some about being single, etc. Thanks for always BRIGHTONING my day :)

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